Addiction to Non-Creation

(approx. reading time: 5 minutes)

What is the relationship between why I stepped back from the film industry and prehistoric dudes?

Let me start from the beginning...

Over the years, I forced myself to create art, believing it was a means to achieve my desires. So, a good question is: Were my artistic motivations healthy? In my case, they were not, leading to burnout from the act of creation and eventually an aversion to it.

Welcome to the addiction to non-creation.

Addiction to Non-Creation

To keep our end goal in mind, let me start with some benefits of the act of creation (or check out last week's newsletter, Consume vs. Create):

• Creation and entering a state of flow can spawn new, life-altering ideas.

• It can be therapeutic; it helps express new feelings and emotions—shit we all have inside.

• It offers a path to self-discovery and reconnecting with childhood passions.

• It is a good excuse to overcome resistance to productivity.

• It generates a feeling of being useful.

• Creating and sharing work can lead to new relationships and interesting connections.

Now, let's get personal.

For many, creating could be a fun task. For me, it wasn't. Why?

Because of the wrong motivators and always needing a sense of security or purpose in life. My old motivations were acceptance and admiration from others. I was in the game for the wrong reasons, and the allure of applause and external validation is overpowering and addicting. I was not enjoying the process, and my perfectionism made it harder to let go, leading to burnout.

My initial enthusiasm for exploring new art forms was often clouded by these motivators. I couldn't discern if I really enjoyed something for its sake or for materialistic reasons. Believe me, I still have to do some periodical checks.

These motivators can be what fuels some people. For me, it created apathy, an overall sense of failure, and demotivation.

Creating often felt challenging and less enjoyable, resembling an exorcism to free something deep inside. Yet I persisted, inspired by the idea of the tormented artist. I didn't enjoy the hard work, and the thrill of an "aha" moment was more about looking good.

My career was my means of survival and impressing others, and it was very important for me. When I realized that I was choosing my professional path for the wrong reasons, I felt like shit, depressed without knowing it.

Here I am, unable to enjoy things, feeling detached from the creative process, filled with doubts. Do you have to enjoy the process to be a creator? Is the urge to create something innate and essential for fulfillment? Am I genuinely a creator?

Confused and discouraged, I stopped creating, and I labeled myself as a consumer rather than a creator (Or, shall I say, I subconsciously accepted my addiction to only consuming).

"Quit and try new stuff", advised someone I love.

"Try new stuff...". Maybe, but quitting wasn't an option for me. The unhealthy motivators were deeply ingrained in me, and my ego couldn't bear that I had spent 10 years focusing on something for the wrong reasons. This realization bred anger and frustration and made me dislike what I used to love, or thought I loved: creating shit.

So, to find some kind of resolution, I dove deeper into understanding the reasons behind my actions.

In search of intrinsic motivators. A personal take

Perfectionism, acceptance, admiration, and others are consequences of a more primal motivator. Trying to recognize it, I looked back in time— waaay back in time...

Here are two theories regarding prehistoric humans and why we create. Try to stay with me.

First point

Why did our ancestors create those cave paintings?

Understanding the difference between their artistic motivations and mine can reveal my unhealthy motives and help me adopt a healthier approach to creation.

A force inside us made us do it. Some suggest it was pure creativity, without external pressures or expectations, no money, no fame.  

Was it a way to communicate across generations or a tool for teaching? Others believe it was an instinctive way to satisfy a need for human connection, which sounds like a healthier goal. This is why creation is important.

If you are a man, the second theory could sound somehow familiar.

People say men are genetically wired to procreate, using sex to unconsciously create life. But maybe there's more.

Could it be that for millions of years, prehistoric men, unaware of their role in creating life, felt inferior to their partners, who seemed magical for being able to give birth and create life?

Is it possible that, in the face of this deep trauma of inferiority, men genetically use addictions to cope with the invisible pain? Do we use sex as an addiction or a coping mechanism? Does it sound familiar? It certainly does for me.

But women have addictions too, so this theory doesn't make any fucking sense! Or maybe it does... In my eyes, this point is an interesting one.

What is clear is that patriarchy was born from the moment men realized they were a part of the equation of the creation of life.

Still with me?

Why am I talking about sex? Sex has unconsciously guided almost every decision I have taken in my life, as sad as it sounds, from career choices to hobbies. No bueno.

Final Thoughts

Identifying our core motivators is crucial. Why do we sometimes lack motivation to act, work hard, or create?

I still wrestle with feelings of lack of motivation while I try to find a reason to create. What helps me?

-Recognizing the unhealthy motivators and seeking healthier ones, like creating for human connection and self-discovery, was an important step in escaping the vicious addiction cycle I had. For that, I thank therapy, good advice from people I love, and some books, such as:

“Don’t Believe Everything You Think” by Joseph Nguyen

“The Drama of the Gifted Child” by Alice Miller

“Facing Love Addiction" by Pia Mellody

-Understanding the future value of creation motivates me to act instead of just consuming.

Basically, welcome self-discovery into your life.

Thank you for your time.

My news picks

• AI reads brain scans, promising to find Alzheimer’s genes

• AI will predict heart attacks and could save thousands of lives.

• OpenAI's latest innovation, GPTs, allows us to create personalized AI tools: No coding required! Watch how Charlie Holtz made an amazing use of it!

• Humaine’s finally launched its AI Pin.

• Generative AI and the transformation of the music industry.

Cool tools and more…

• MyBrain is the ultimate AI-powered research assistant.

• Uptrends.ai is the first AI stock market news monitoring platform made for DIY investors.

• MyMind helps you keep everything in one place and categorize all your videos, articles, posts, etc

And that’s all. I hope these insights, news, and tools help you prepare for the future!

Have a really nice week.

Stay kind.

Rafa TV